She came home from school one day with the cutest litle food peg. It was blue, with a sticker of a little brown fox holding out a sweet pink flower. It was most definitely not from our home.
So I asked her where she had got it from. Even though I knew that it was probably a goody bag item given out during one of those birthday celebrations in school.
This is what she said:
It’s from the playground in school. I saw it and I picked it up. And I think I can bring it home.
She must have seen my expression (finders keepers?!) because before I could say anything, she hurried on:
Actually, Teacher A gave it to me. She picked it up at the playground. I told her, I really like it, you know… Can I have it? So she gave it to me. And I think I can bring it home.
I left it as that. But later that night, when Mr Fluffy Hubby returned home from work, I got her to tell him again how she had came by her new food peg. As she told her story, Mr Fluffy Hubby and I exchanged looks with each other. When she was done, we unanimously told her she had to return the food peg to whoever lost it.
Widening her eyes, she protested:
But I don’t know who it belongs to!
Well, we will just have to ask all your friends, we told her.
She kept quiet for a while, then smiled and said:
Actually, I think it belongs to RC.
I blinked a few times before asking, why do you think so?
She grinned:
Because I saw him drop it at the playground.
I repeated dumbly, you saw him drop it at the playground?
She confirmed:
I saw him drop it. And I picked it up and told him, I want it. He said, no, it’s mine. I told him, But I want it. He said, it’s mine. So I told him, You give it to me now. Tomorrow, I’ll give it back to you. Then, the next day, you give it to me again. Then, the next day, I’ll give it back to you again. Ok? He said ok.
I was so stunned I could only tell her she HAS to return the food peg. All the while casting horrified looks at Mr Fluffy Hubby at the side.
My baby! Lying!
I knew this day would come. I even expected it. The experts say it happens at about age 4 – give or take some. She was exactly one month short of turning 4. But what I hadn’t counted on was the compexity with which she had woven her lie:
1. Firstly, she cleared the stage – her story started off with no other characters but herself. That way, she clears herself of any wrongdoing unto others – in this case, RC whom she had bullied into letting her have the food peg. This also means that she has a clear sense of right and wrong. She knows what she did was wrong – hence, the need to cover up.
2. She then tried to legitimize her posession of the food peg with a figure of authority i.e. Teacher A. She understands the law and its mechanisms. (And if she understands this at age 3 years and 11 months old, why am I bothering to write my PhD dissertation???)
3. Left with no other route of escape, she feigned ignorance. She pretended she didn’t know to whom the food peg belonged – so that she didn’t have to return it.
4. Last but certainly not least, she kept it up until she was threatened with the very real possibilty of being shamed in public. Only when she realized that she would be made to ask all her friends in school about the food peg and thus risk being exposed, then she admitted that the food peg belonged to RC. She understands shame and its function as social reinforcement of the law.
The justice of it all? If the lie she had woven was way complicated, I surely have only myself to blame.
Not a photo of the foxy food peg because she tried again a week later to pull off the same stunt! This is the sparkly pink plastic ring she convinced her friend, M, to let her bring home. I’m suitably impressed; I take my hat off to her – I certainly don’t recall myself having possessed such powers of persuasion over my friends at 4 years old. (Did I even have friends??) But HOW?! HOW HOW HOW??! Help.
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